I had an opportunity to visit St. Peter's Basilica in Rome this morning. It has been the week of the Jubilee Celebration of Catholic Art, and it closed with a mass in honor of Fra. Angelico, a famous Dominican artist. One of the brothers had gotten me a ticket to concelebrate. I really didn't want to go, having so much work to do, but I decided in favor of being with the brothers on this feast of one of our own, and I am really glad that I did.
We ran out of chasubles for the concelebrants, so I didn't have one, but because of that I got to be in front for everything. The Italians have a great sense of order, so all of the concelebrants without chasubles were at the front of the procession into the church. Of course then we sat closest, held the bread through the consecration, and were in the front row for the papal audience that followed mass.
St. Peter's main altar, under the baldachin made by Michalangelo is really beautiful, and there was nothing between myself and the altar except a few marble stairs. As you can see, it was a beautiful day and the light was streaming in through the windows, adding to the transcendence of the moment. The choir was from Assisi, and perhaps the most beautiful moment was the Misericordia. With the choir singing like angels, the incense rising to the heavens and the sea of humanity begging God for forgiveness, it was easy to once again give my soul to God, letting go of the caution and doubt that often leads me to hedge my bets, giving this but not that, some but not all. I still prefer to pray under a pine next to a stream, but I now have a better understanding of the church universal, triumphant... and pleading.
We wait for the pope to appear. A cardinal presided at mass and then there was an audience with the pope following mass, but there was perhaps 45 minutes in between, 45 minutes of anticipation and excitement. No one really knows what to expect.
The first to appear are the Swiss guards, dressed in their traditional outfits and posted at each side of the altar. They take their job guarding John Paul very seriously.
This clenched fist was no affectation.
After that, the pope comes in rolled on a platform. He almost rolled right over my toes (literally, there wasn't quite enough room between myself and the sanctuary for him to get by). I could have reached out and shaken his hand, but he seemed so frail to grab at. Instead I waved and smiled at him and pulled in my toes as best I could. He is too frail to walk the entire length of St. Peter's and it pains one to see him struggle with the few yards of it he does walk from the edge of the sanctuary to his chair, but he manages and smiles and waves the whole time.
His speech was all in Italian, but I hear it was very good. Afterwards, though, some people were allowed to walk up into the sanctuary and greet the pope. Not thinking, I was utterly astounded when the concelebrants were included in this group. There were at least a hundred of us, and I felt for the pope that it would be a long time blessing so many people, and he seemed so tired, but I suppose this is what his life is about.
My heart was pounding as I waited my turn in line. Those of you who know me know that I am not very "Roman", but despite this, he is a holy holy man and a giant of our times. So to receive his personal blessing... well, let me just say that I do believe in blessings and in signs. I knelt before him, placed my hands in his, and asked for his blessing. I thought of my solemn vows, when I did this with saint Ed Ruane, giving my life to the Dominicans. Once again, in this moment, I rededicated this life to God's people and to preaching the Good News, and once again this gift was accepted, blessed, and concretized. There is no going back.
Believing in blessing, I could not leave until I also blessed him, this holy man who also struggles to help God's people and also lives by God's blessing. I am not sure if it is "proper" to bless the pope, but I believe God understands and I think that he did as well.
Afterwards I cried.