Thierry-Marie and I received teihatsu, ritual head shaving, in preparation for another Ozesshin. Ozesshin is an intense retreat of sitting zazen for 10 hours a day in a zendo, interspersed with chanting sutras, walking meditations and a bit of work. Sitting on folded legs for so many hours every day is very painful, and one tries to use the pain to focus and clear the mind.
The Buddhist monks kept asking if we were sure we wanted to have our heads shaved, insisting that it was not necessary to join them in Ozesshin. Thierry-Marie and I both agreed that simply sitting was by far the most difficult part, and if we were going to do that, we might as well take the next simple step and adopt the outward sign of our temporary walk down this path.
It reminded me of the story of Jesus healing the paralytic lowered on mat through the roof. Jesus tells him "your sins are forgiven" which causes murmuring in the crowd. As an outward sign to the crowd, Jesus then does the easy part, telling the man to pick up his mat and walk, which he, of course, does. I never quite understood that story as well as I do now. The most difficult part of Ozesshin happens inside, and no one ses it; struggling with the desire to get up and run away, to scream, to move, to be anywhere but here. To tame those demons is quite the task, to focus the mind on what is rather than on my pain, and to make it rest there. But so many times we think the outward sign is the important thing, our hair, our clothes, our status. Jesus and zazen transform us from the inside.